Thanks for picking up this topic Owen. You observe that "Bi men tend not to come out because they are considered gay - by both men and women". I agree on the "tending not to come out" bit. But the explanation you then give itself applies only to bi men publicly in relationships with men and ignores those of us bi men who are publicly in relationships with women. We are generally assumed straight, and so (perhaps speaking only for myself) tend not to come out. If we do, as i am happy to do we end up being doubted by everyone and assumed promiscuous by everyone. There is work to be done. Thanks for at least helping to move the dialogue forward. David W, London.
I think bisexuality is far more common amongst women than recognised or perhaps acknowledged. In my teens during the late 60s and early 70s many of my women friends were in same sex relationships. We were politically active, read Spare Rib, talked of female emancipation and orgasms, and felt we had more in common with gay men than straight ones, while my boyfriends rejected masculine gender norms, had flowing hair, wore makeup and listened to Bowie. Fast forward a generation, my 15 year old daughter announced that “all the girls in my class are gay”. Politics definitely not a factor for this cohort. It became New Romantics, Boy George and fabulous gay clubs like Heaven where girls felt safe to lose themselves in Ecstasy and each other away from dangerously toxic straight masculinity. Another generation, granddaughters living hectic City lives, working 50+ hour weeks to pay for a room in shared houses with other women, too busy for relationships with men with their subsequent imperatives and boundaries. Social lives crammed into a night and the occasional weekend with friends who get it, enjoy the moment and don’t want or ask for more. I have a bi male friend whose experience of living as a bi man couldn’t be more different. It becomes a label, an identity, something that defines his relationships in a different way. Just a few thoughts.
I'm a married man of 40 I have never had a sexual experience with another man despite being born and raised in Brighton but I'm attracted to many men and have been since I was a child looking at you Indiana Jones you sexy bugger id happily kiss a man I found attractive I've snogged men before mainly for dares etc but wasn't immediately sick or anything so perhaps I'm bi or just very open to attraction including OP OJ who I find very attractive.
I agree, the misogyny accusation had some laughable acrobatics behind it. Their logic "some Muslims are misogynist so anyone who criticizes a country that bombs Muslims must be misogynist." Or "some gay men are misogynist so anyone who's gay probably doesn't care for women." Etc, etc.
But absurdity aside, the bigotry against bisexuals is real. Personally I never used to believe it existed, or rather, I thought it was always cultural in origin, until I had a best friend who had been married to a man, had 3 kids with him, then married to a woman, and that marriage was also ending around the time I met her.
Obviously in this country straight people have often shown prejudice against homosexuals, but she remarked that she had gotten it from both straight men and lesbians. The straight men came at her with the, "You just haven't met the right man." Well if that's true, then a man who starts that attack right away obviously isn't the right man. And lesbians would tell her that she was just in denial or just refused to stand up for her gay side or that maybe she was even just straight but was acting gay because it was fashionable to be an "extreme ally" or some nonsense.
My sample size of one isn't very useful, but it opened my eyes to the fact that (a) yes bisexuals do exist, they're born that way, and (b) they get an extra type of discrimination from both straights and homosexuals that is unfortunately piled on top of all the usual ones.
Thanks for picking up this topic Owen. You observe that "Bi men tend not to come out because they are considered gay - by both men and women". I agree on the "tending not to come out" bit. But the explanation you then give itself applies only to bi men publicly in relationships with men and ignores those of us bi men who are publicly in relationships with women. We are generally assumed straight, and so (perhaps speaking only for myself) tend not to come out. If we do, as i am happy to do we end up being doubted by everyone and assumed promiscuous by everyone. There is work to be done. Thanks for at least helping to move the dialogue forward. David W, London.
I think bisexuality is far more common amongst women than recognised or perhaps acknowledged. In my teens during the late 60s and early 70s many of my women friends were in same sex relationships. We were politically active, read Spare Rib, talked of female emancipation and orgasms, and felt we had more in common with gay men than straight ones, while my boyfriends rejected masculine gender norms, had flowing hair, wore makeup and listened to Bowie. Fast forward a generation, my 15 year old daughter announced that “all the girls in my class are gay”. Politics definitely not a factor for this cohort. It became New Romantics, Boy George and fabulous gay clubs like Heaven where girls felt safe to lose themselves in Ecstasy and each other away from dangerously toxic straight masculinity. Another generation, granddaughters living hectic City lives, working 50+ hour weeks to pay for a room in shared houses with other women, too busy for relationships with men with their subsequent imperatives and boundaries. Social lives crammed into a night and the occasional weekend with friends who get it, enjoy the moment and don’t want or ask for more. I have a bi male friend whose experience of living as a bi man couldn’t be more different. It becomes a label, an identity, something that defines his relationships in a different way. Just a few thoughts.
I'm a married man of 40 I have never had a sexual experience with another man despite being born and raised in Brighton but I'm attracted to many men and have been since I was a child looking at you Indiana Jones you sexy bugger id happily kiss a man I found attractive I've snogged men before mainly for dares etc but wasn't immediately sick or anything so perhaps I'm bi or just very open to attraction including OP OJ who I find very attractive.
I agree, the misogyny accusation had some laughable acrobatics behind it. Their logic "some Muslims are misogynist so anyone who criticizes a country that bombs Muslims must be misogynist." Or "some gay men are misogynist so anyone who's gay probably doesn't care for women." Etc, etc.
But absurdity aside, the bigotry against bisexuals is real. Personally I never used to believe it existed, or rather, I thought it was always cultural in origin, until I had a best friend who had been married to a man, had 3 kids with him, then married to a woman, and that marriage was also ending around the time I met her.
Obviously in this country straight people have often shown prejudice against homosexuals, but she remarked that she had gotten it from both straight men and lesbians. The straight men came at her with the, "You just haven't met the right man." Well if that's true, then a man who starts that attack right away obviously isn't the right man. And lesbians would tell her that she was just in denial or just refused to stand up for her gay side or that maybe she was even just straight but was acting gay because it was fashionable to be an "extreme ally" or some nonsense.
My sample size of one isn't very useful, but it opened my eyes to the fact that (a) yes bisexuals do exist, they're born that way, and (b) they get an extra type of discrimination from both straights and homosexuals that is unfortunately piled on top of all the usual ones.